Maryland Baby Maker

Weighty issues

2008-08-26T10:47:00.000-04:00

I haven’t been able to even look at this blog, as I am not the MDBabyMaker right now. My Love’s job search is slow, and that slows down the baby making process. Or rather, we have stopped until she gets a job. After she gets a job, then it will be 3-6 months until we can start again. So no baby for me, and everyone around me is turning up pregnant.

So, in my free time, am I getting into shape and losing those pesky 10-20 pounds? Nope, just sitting on my butt trying not to get too much fatter. I put on a GOOD 10-15 pound while TTC, and each month I just kept hoping I’d be pregnant so I could blame the weight on that. Instead, I just need to blame my sugar addiction and near daily trips to Dunkin Donuts. I have cut back on some of my crap eating, but still have not gotten up the motivation to go to the gym. I really should do that now, so that when we are ready, I am in great shape. I even know that losing weight will help my fertility. Up until about two years ago (ages 30-31) I never really had to watch my weight. Now I do, and I am watching the scale go up and up. I am wearing a size that I never thought I would. And still, I am too lazy to get my butt to the gym. I am kind hoping that putting this out there will help externally motivate me. Goddess knows, I clearly have no internal motivation for exercise.

Today I am putting it out there. I will make a real effort to go to the gym 2 times a week in August and moving up to 3 times a week in September. I can go Wednesday and Friday of this week. Maybe this blog can be my losing weight blog until I have something else to focus on. I am not quite ready to tell the world my weight, but maybe I can talk about how much I am losing. I need a new focus, and sitting around being pissed at the universe is not helping anything but my ass expand. It is bad when your fat pants (which I have NEVER had to have) are getting tight, as well. I can’t afford more clothes, so I can think of my gym experience as saving money. Plus, I hate to shop and I have a ton of pants I cannot wear. Maybe if I lose some weight I won’t hate pants shopping because I’ll be able to wear a regular size and not the fat sizes. If I get my body in awesome shape, I’ll just have to get pregnant right away, right?

Here I go…

And the hits just keep on coming...

2008-05-29T09:11:00.003-04:00

Did anyone watch the TV show the Gilmore Girls? It is my favorte show, minus the craptastic season 7, in which they got rid of the main writers, creator and directors. The title of this entry is from an episode in season 1.

About a week and a half ago, My Love got pancreatitis caused by gallstones... For crying out loud, come on!! It took multiple doctor's visits, an ER visit, tons of blood work, lots of pain medicine, a CT Scan, and an MRI to get a diagnosis. It has pretty much immobilized her. She is starting to do better, but VERY slowly. We will find out in a day or so if her Amalase and Lipase levels are dropping back to normal. Those are the enzymes that break down fat and protien. She is on a modified diet where she can not eat fat or protien... That leaves prety much bread and applesause. Although, I did find a "butter" that is fat free and protien free. It is better than dry toast...

Am I a terrible person for being tired of taking care of everything? I'm so tired.

If I could just find a way to win a few million dollars, all my problems would be solved... :)

I told you updates would be depressing... You have been warned.

I'm still here

2008-05-20T08:57:00.002-04:00

I had envisioned this blog to be about my pregnancy journey. I know that it is a TTC blog, but I really thought I'd be pregnant by now. If you want to know what was in my heart of hearts, I really thought I'd have a newborn baby by now. We are on hold until at least September, and this is if life picks up soon and things turn around. I'm sorry, I am trying to be more positive, I should have said, when life picks up VERY soon and hopefully things have already started to turn around. I just can't see it yet be cause I am in the middle of it all.

My love lost her job suddenly a few months ago. Being a mostly one income houshold is hard, and affirms for me that I will work after I have our baby. (I always thought I would.) Unemployment adds very little to the mix, financially.

I saw my acupuncturist and I am really going to work on putting postive energy out in the world. I imagine updates will be spotty.

Seriously?!

2008-04-02T08:51:00.004-04:00

So, remember when I said that we were low on money? That was before my much loved cat of 7 years got sick and needed to see 2 vets and $1,500 of tests later, everything is normal! Not that I want her to be sick, but holey moley. I had to use my credit card to pay for her. I hate using credit cards, I rarely have a balance, or if I do, I know when I can pay it off. Not this time!

I have not been writing here because I have nothing nice or good to say. I am not usually a complainer, but that is all I have been doing. I feel bad that I am subjecting my friends to my attitide, but what can I do. I really am trying to think positive, but it is really hard.

Looking forward to better days!

Easy come, easy go

2008-03-19T08:38:00.003-04:00

Well, my cycle just ended/started. On no drugs, I had my regular 27 day cycle with ovulation on day 13. Today is day one, we are most assuredlly out for this cycle, and most likely next cycle as well. This cycle would put a baby due around x-mas, and next would be mid to late January. I am looking at maybe trying to make a February baby. So it looks like the next cycle we MIGHT be able to try start would be mid May. Possibly not until June. Maybe I can be pregnant for my 33rd b-day in June. That would be a nice goal.

Things are still rough at Casa MD Baby Maker's. I hate that money is always an issue. I hate that money limits our dreams.

I have acupuncture today, thank goodness! I can't really afford it, but I get paid on Friday. Good luck to all, I hope your days are smoother.

As the world turns

2008-03-10T08:38:00.002-04:00

Unfortunatly we are off the baby train for at least two months. We just had a hard blow finicially and even if it resolves itself quickly, it will take awhile to recover. I'll post intermittent updates, maybe I'll shoot for weekly.

The Doctor sees no reason why our current protocal should change, and I have to agree. We have only done two medicated cycles. In all likelihood, all the unmedicated cycles we did were not viable. We did not know about my poor/no ovulation response. We only have two more vials of swimmers. I am not sure if our boy has any more. I still have hope though.

Right now My Love is dealing with some hard issues, and she is my first priority.

I'll be 33 in June.

More waiting

2008-02-27T10:53:00.002-05:00

Due to the universe being a bitch, I will likely have to sit out April, as well. My Love and I need to wait awhile to get some financial stuff together.

surviving

2008-02-22T11:36:00.002-05:00

I am still here. I am still sad. We have two tries left, so I am starting to wonder if it can work. I so want to be pregnant. We have a consult with the Doctor next week to make sure that everything is okay.

Negative

2008-02-19T15:40:00.000-05:00

Blood test negative.

Taking March off.

Still Negative

2008-02-18T08:28:00.003-05:00

Still negative HPT. Boob still sore, big, but not as big; crushingly tired. Blood test tomorrow (don't get result until late afternoon). No AF.

I have no words.

???

2008-02-17T10:16:00.001-05:00

Negative HPT at 12 DPO. Boobs still big and sore, temps still up, no sign of AF. I don't know. My last clomid cycle was 29 days long. Blood test on Tuesday.

And now I bring you...

2008-02-14T08:38:00.003-05:00

First I brought you super temps, now in addition I bring you the super growing boobs! They grew noticably from yesterday morning to last night. I am a small chested woman. I am a small A. I always have been. I am not usualy aware of my brests. I can exercise without a bra on. They are bigger. I can feel them when I walk, and they are sore. :)

Also, I now have a supersonic sense of smell. Apparently my office is full of people that wear strong perfume. I never noticed before.

I am still tired, and I have not had any caffeine since a small cup of coffee on Monday! I also woke up today at 4:45am instead of 6:15... I couldn't get back to sleep.

Super Temps

2008-02-13T09:04:00.002-05:00

My temperature is still going/staying up. If I felt bad, I say I was on my way to getting sick, but I don't feel bad. It is higher than it ever has been, and there have been no dips like usual. It feels different. I hope this time is different.

So, I am either getting sick or I am pregnant. (BUT! I don't feel like I am getting sick.) I am hopeful, but terrified of the hope. I just want this to happen so much.

I spoke too soon

2008-02-12T16:32:00.000-05:00

My nutty emotions started last night, and I have been on edge all day. One minute I am happy, the next I want to go up to somepne and go GGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

Also, my boobs feel wierd. I am tired, not crushingly so, but more tired than I was. My temps are still UP. It will be a long nine months, I hope!

Still good

2008-02-11T08:39:00.001-05:00

When looking at my temps, mine are consistently up. Usually at dpo 4 or 5 I drop. There has been no drop. My temps look DIFFERENT this time, for the last 6 days. Encouraging. Here is my optimistic theory for this month on why I am pregnant.
I am tired on these hormones, but not crushingly so, and I am not as crazy emotionally. I think since my body is using the hormones to grow our little speck, the hormones are not so brutal. Right about now our little speck should be burrowing in my uterine lining for the long haul. Yesterday, a few times I felt a sharp stabby sensation in my uterus. I take all this as a great sign!!!

The below site has a week by week description of the development and it is scientific, but it gives a better description of these early days. It starts with fertilizations, and it is really helping me picture our speck growing.

http://www.visembryo.com/baby/index.html

I have said it before, that my acupuncturist believes that if you visualize the future you want, it will happen. I am co-opting her belief for my own baby making. :) I am picturing it. Bring on the Halloween baby!!!

Feeling okay

2008-02-08T08:36:00.001-05:00

I am doing pretty well. So far, the crushing tiredness is not here. I am a bit sleepy all day and I sleep like the dead, but that is not so bad. I feel less bloated, which is nice. I have a wierd tingling in my hand, but I remember that from last time. It will go away. I feel pretty good.

I did see a commercial with a little baby that made me almost cry, but it passed. Hopefully the crazy emotions will hold off a bit until I know I am pregnant.

Along with all the other signs lining up to say out timing was perfect, even Fertility Friend agrees. Come on baby... GROW!!!

New post

2008-02-07T10:28:00.000-05:00

I am trying to think of something to write. I feel good about this time, but I always say that. Our timing was spot on, both blood work and OPK's say so. Our swimmmers were good and plentiful. My follicle was big and ready to go. My acupuncturist said my Chi was different the last few time she treated me- since our last negative. It is better and fuller (not sure exactly what that means.) I take that as a sign that my body is ready for a baby. Her treatment was to give my uterus lots of rich blood and nourishment. Our little speck should be a bunch of cells now and boucing around looking for a place to snuggle down in. My uterus is OPEN for business- attach away!!

Way too many days until I can test... :)

65 MIllion

2008-02-05T12:51:00.001-05:00

I am all spermed up. The sample had 65 million sperm and its post thaw motility was 57%. That is super good for frozen. I feel good. It was not that uncomfortable this time. I didn't feel the sperm go in, which is good. That is not a good feeling. It is all good.

Blood test Feb 19th. I'll probably start home testing on the 16th. I start the Prometrium tomorrow, twice a day orally. I have acupuncture tomorrow to help with implantation.

Yay!

9AM tomorrow

2008-02-04T16:29:00.000-05:00

Just got the word, we inseminate tomorrow at 9am. My Estrogen was 660 which is good and my LH was 83, which means I am surging. I trigger tonight. Come on baby... bring on the pregnancy.

It's on!

2008-02-04T08:52:00.001-05:00

Well, the dildo camming went well this morning. I had one 21mm follicle on my right. I also had 2 14mm, and a 15mm on my right. My left had a 14 and a 10. So, really one good one. My lining looked good and the OPk's said I am surging. I'll know this afternoon when we will inseminate. I think tomorrow... I really hope this time works. This is my biggest follicle yet, so I am hopeful.

Nothing yet

2008-02-03T11:01:00.000-05:00

No surge this morning. My temps are taking a downward turn. I have an appointment to get wanded and levels checked tomorrow. Looks like we might inseminate Tuesday. I'll find out tomorrow how my lining and looks and how many follicles I have.

Some day soon

2008-02-01T13:25:00.001-05:00

I have my sperm, so now we just wait for the color change. I am more emotional, and it is harder to keep it together. I am holding back some excitment. I wish I could get more excited.

Sigh...

Soon

2008-01-31T08:33:00.000-05:00

I took my last dose of Clomid last night. It makes me really hot when I sleep, and I do feel a bit more emotional. I pick of the sperm tomorrow, and then I start peeing on stick to see when I surge. I think I will see it on Sunday.

Clomid

2008-01-28T08:37:00.000-05:00

I have taken two doses of Clomid. Only three more to go. Last time the crazy did not start until after insemination, so I am not too worried for this week. The Clomid does make me super hot at night, and it did that last time too. I want to be pregnant this cycle. I am visualizing the future for me and My Love and it includes a baby born around Halloween.

I realy have no preference about boy versus girl. I think that girls are probably easier in the beginning and boys are probably easier in later years. One of my friends hast the cutest almost 11 month old boy, E. In the past, I have had some concerns that it might be hard to relate to a boy baby, but being with E and watching him grow, has really made me very comfortable. I have nieces and nephews, but I was not around them much as babies, so they never gave me a lot of baby practice. (My family does not live close.) Any baby would be good. My Love has expressed some concerns about what if we have a girly girl. My Love is mostly the opposite of girly. She never had concerns about raising a boy, or a girl, just a pink frilly girl. I don't think I'd have trouble with that. I am not girly, but I went through the super girly phases in my earlier years trying to fit in. So, I, at least, have a frame of reference. We complement each other well, that way. My weakness in her strenght, and vise versa.

That is a lot of thoughts!

It looks like insemination will be somewhere around Feb 3-5. Probably not the 3rd, I think I will get my surge then. Likely will inseminate on the 4 or 5th. Who knows...

Click Click

2008-01-24T10:08:00.000-05:00

Wanding went well, no cycts. They are going to do Clomid days 5-9 this cycle. I asked what the logic is behind changing days and got a less that satisfying answer. Basically you can start it whenever on days 3-5. I am finding the wanding more painful. My ovaries like to play hide and seek. It is a wierd sensation to have something hurt from that deep inside.

Stuff like that makes me think I'll never be able to even try birthing a baby naturally. Not that I want to do that, but I am keeping my options open. Nothing like putting the cart before the horse, let's just try to get me pregnant and keep me pregnant first. Then I can worry about how to get it out, after it is in. :)

Wanding here I come

2008-01-23T13:08:00.000-05:00

I get wanded tomorrow morning and if all looks good, I'll start Clomid Thursday night. I am not sure what I feel about this cycle. I am waiting to see if we can try before I get excited.

CD 1, apparently

2008-01-22T16:30:00.001-05:00

Uhh, it is CD 1. I had a 24 day cycle with no drugs and no tries. It was about 3 days sooner that my short 27 day cycle. I had to rearrange some stuff at work, to account for my being 3 days ahead of schedule. Wierd. I get wanded on Thursday morning for day 3 check to make sure I can use drugs this cycle. I really was not expecting the rollar coaster ride to start early this week. I was sure I was on the later in the week ride. This explains why I had PMS this weekend. I was like it is too early to be PMS...

Here we go again...

OB/GYN

2008-01-10T11:18:00.000-05:00

I had my yearly girlie parts exam this morning. It was a mob scene in the office today. I did not think about how hard it would be to see that many pregnant women. After one couple came out of the back with their ultrasound pictures in hand, I almost started crying right there. That is one way to feel like crap first thing in the morning. Wow, and I thought I was doing so well.

I think I have figured out the ticker. I am using one from FF that is interactive with my charting, not lillie pie that is not. Mid cycle... two more weeks.

Time moves fast

2008-01-07T15:25:00.000-05:00

I am on CD 10 for my no try cycle. Time moves faster when I am not waiting for anything. (There is a lesson in there...) I had a very nice and low key weekend. My Love and I connected, it was good. I started to feel kinda wierd later in the afternoon, and I just thought I was tired. But now it looks like the headache I have had for a few days is trying to work itself up into a migraine. I have not had a migraine since I started acupuncture. (9 months ago)
I am going to try some caffene, and if that doesn't work I have some prescription medicine that will knock me on my ass. :)

New Year

2008-01-02T13:16:00.000-05:00

It is a new year and I am hoping for new results. I am on CD 5, so my new cycle to get pregnant should be 3 weeks from starting. I took down my ticker because I can't figure out how to edit it when my cycle is longer that 27days, besides downloading a new ticker. It was driving me crazy.

For the new year, My Love and I got a new mattress. We have been lusting over the temper-pedic for many years, and we finally broke down and bought one. It is heavenly. It is wierd at first, but not in a bad way.

This month is a calm one, no trying. I will be trying to mend my heart and get ready for the rollercoaster to start the end on the month.

Big sigh

2007-12-31T14:33:00.000-05:00

So, yesterday I wake up early and drive my butt into downtown DC to get my blood drawn to confirm my negative beta. (My Bethesda office is only open M-F for monitoring.) I get there and the doors are locked and no one is home. It is early, I am tired and still very emotional. I call the number and get the answering service (because they don't pick up the phone on the weekends). I get a call back in 10 minutes later from the on call DR, and she said that no one was on the schedule so the office was not open. I was supposed to be put on the schedule when I got my IUI. So- I wake up early this morning (again) to go to the office as soon as it opens, because they need the negative beta. (Still tired) No one knows why I was not on the schedule. Everyone is very sorry for the mix up.

I am in near tears from the heartbreak, and the nurse said our timing was spot on and she is not sure why it didn't work. (I know it is not a guarantee, but hearing the nurse say that nearly put me over the edge.) I told her we were taking a month off because I need a break from the side effects. I felt pregnant. I had a lot of symptoms.

And yet... Nothing.
I woke up this morning at 4am, 2 HOURS before the alarm and I could not get back to sleep.

I am, again, heartbroken. This is only getting harder.

No baby

2007-12-29T19:36:00.000-05:00

AF is here today. I had a 29 day cycle, which is long for me. The blood test tomorrow will confirm it. I took a test this morning for my own sanity. 16 DPO and a huge white space where my line shold be. We are taking this month off. I need a month to get the crazy out of my system. The hormones in the TWW made me NUTS. I need a break from that. I can't do it again so soon.

Friday- I don't know

2007-12-28T10:18:00.000-05:00

I got a negative Tuesday and Thurday on the First Response test, but no period yet. This morning I went to put on my bra, and my boobs do not fit. I'll do another test tonight or tomorrow. Today is day 29, I usually have flow by now- and nothing. I also don't feel like I am going to get my period yet. I am still out of town, so I can't get a blood test until Sunday.

I also managed to contract bacterial Bronchitis while on vacation, and the dr said the Zpac was okay to take if I am pregnant. So, I don't know... I know clomid can delay things, but clomid did not affect when I ovulated, my body decided that. So maybe I am pregnant and the first response is not sensitive enough?

If I was home, I would have a blood test. I am now officially late and clueless.

4 days!!!!!!

2007-12-21T14:29:00.000-05:00

I am excited to test Tuesday. We’ll be out of town, so I am not sure when I’ll get to update. I think that I will be able to access the internet at my in-laws, but I am not positive. I will do my best to update.

The mind numbing tiredness has lifted without caffeine, so that is exciting. My body must be getting used to it. I am still tired, don’t get me wrong, but it is not awful.
Tuesday will be 12 DPO and Cycle day 26. I am hoping we get the best x-mas present ever!

6 days until I test early

2007-12-20T13:57:00.000-05:00

The tiredness is not so bad today. I am not so crazy emotional in the last 24 or so hours… :) I do feel a bit off. I feel really bloated, and I am not one to ever feel this way. Below my belly button, my body feels harder than I remember. I am about 10 pound heavier than I would like to be(in general), but I don’t remember feeling this uncomfortable in my comfy pants.

I will test on x-mas morning, which is day 26, and then I will test on the 27th, which is day 28.

Like Patsy Cline...

2007-12-19T08:53:00.000-05:00

Boobs, sore...
Crazy emotions and tears for no reason, Check! I feel totally crazy and I am totally overreacting to everything. I don't know if this is the medicine or if I am pregnant. I hope I am pregnant, but it will be a LONG 9 Months. I feel bloated and wierd. Also, my body is starting to smell different.

I have to try to be a professional for the next 8 hours. I managed to leave my wallet at home so I have no money for coffee. I am tired and I know I am whining. If I could just know it was all for a good reason, I think I would feel better. Still crazy, but better. :)

hungry

2007-12-17T15:59:00.001-05:00

Still tired, but I have managed to stave off the nausea be eating all day. This is not good. I need to by some mints or something.

I keep making this funny face and telling My Love that am I am helping the baby implant. It kinda looks like I am pushing something and with sqinched eyes. And I go "ughhh". Well, I crack myself up. :)

Tired

2007-12-17T10:28:00.000-05:00

The prometrium I am on is kicking my ass. I am so tired, and sorta nausous. If I was not on it, I would be sure these are signs. I really hope this time worked.

Spermed up!

2007-12-14T08:58:00.000-05:00

I feel really good about this time. The timing was spot on according to the blood tests. FF says it is not so good timing, but I think I will trust a blood test (they are totally accurate). We did the IUI yesterday about 10:30am. The nurse who did it says she was on a roll of getting people pregnant, I am more that willing to keep her streak alive! There were 65 million sperm and I can’t remember the other numbers. They said it was excellent motility for frozen, and everything looked really good. This donor thaws really well. We also did an at home ICI late last night, just to hedge our bets. I am all spermed up.

It is a good kind of weird to purposely pay to put that sperm in my body. I am picturing it doing the tango with my egg. They should be dividing right now and looking for a place to call home. The sperm is young and strong, the perfect stuff to make a baby with.

My acupuncturist said she gets a boy vibe from me. When I see a positive pregnancy test, I can dream of a baby boy. There were a lot of signs that this month is the right month to get pregnant. We inseminated on the 13th, which is My Love’s lucky number and the date she was born on. (Not born in December, but another month.) We would be on CD 28 on Dec 27th, I was born on the 27th of another month. BY the 28th cycle day, a home test should pick it up our positive. We will be out of town, so I can’t do a blood test until Dec 30th. We already have a name for a boy and a girl. I LOVE the boys name. It is all good. When I get pregnant this cycle, my due date will be 09/02/08. That is a great time to have our baby.

I started taking the prometrium twice a day today. I take it orally. I am officially in the two week wait. I am glad to be here. The trigger shot has made my boobs SORE today. It feels like someone slammed my nipples in a book. That is a kicky little side effect.

Good luck to all those trying, one of these days I will actually put links up to the blogs I read.

Today is the day

2007-12-13T07:37:00.000-05:00

Today is the day to make a baby. I am beyond excited.I should have sperm in me by 11am today.

The trigger shot was not so bad. It took me awhile to get up the nerve to stab it in, but I didn't really feel it. My acupuncture was good, she did a lot of points around my uterus. It increases the blood flow to there. My ticker is spot on, as well.

Inseminate tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-12-12T16:02:00.000-05:00

I got the call and we are inseminating on Thursday morning. Good thing I ordered the sperm today. Apparently my body is good to go! I give myself a shot tonight at 9:30pm. I am excited. We are going to make a baby tomorrow!! I feel really good about this time. Really good. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Soon

2007-12-12T09:01:00.000-05:00

Well, my showdown with the dildo cam went well. I have 2 mature follicles, one right and one left. They are both about 18mm. I will wait to hear about my bloodwork, but it loooks like I will inseminate Friday morning. Possibly Saturday, but I got an LH surge on my OPK, so I think I will trigger tonight. I'll hear this afternoon. They usually call 3-4pm. I ordered my sperm for pick up tomorrow.

When we started this whole process we had purchased two ICI vials, as well as a bunch of IUI's. We are going to do an at home ICI, as well this time. I want to put all my eggs in multiple baskets. We used the other ICI the first insemination. I had just wanted to try it, but the IUI in the doctors office would be all I need.

So very exciting. I am ready and I have acupuncture tonight.

Another show down

2007-12-11T08:09:00.000-05:00

My blood results were good, but they said I need a few more days to grow my follicles. I am going back in on Wednesday for more monitoring and blood. Depending on that, I will probably trigger Wednesday night and inseminate on Friday, maybe? I would usually get a surge tommorrow or Thursday anyway. The reason I am using the Ovidrel, (with some reluctance) is that I have gotten a positive OPK with NO ovulation before. This time I know I have follicles, so I want to make sure they get released. I kind of think of the trigger shot like a slow gun, it goes off, and my eggs come shooting out of my ovaries.

I just realized that I will (hopefully) be in the TWW for x-mas. I have to go to Kansas CIty, MO to visit my inlaws. Some of them like me fine and some...well... Anyways, no drinking for me. I will also have to discreatly figure out how to take the pregnancy tests while I am there. That will be a good problem to have, after so many months of not being able to even try.

Grow baby, grow!

Rock start right

2007-12-10T09:01:00.000-05:00

We have follicles! I have one 14mm on my left ovary, and I have 2 15mm follicles and a 14.8mm on my right ovary. I have to wait for the blood results to see what to do next. My uterine lining was a bit thin at 6.8. They like it to be over 8. More waiting. I responded well to the Clomid, my body liked it.

Showdown with the Dildo Cam

2007-12-09T09:12:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow morning I have a showdown with the dildo cam to see how my ovaries look. Updates will come tomorrow. I started OPKing to day, and I think I might surge sooner rather than later, like Tuesday or Wednesday. This week should be busy.

Come on ovaries!

Ironic

2007-12-07T15:43:00.000-05:00

So, now that I am done with Clomid, I am waiting to see if I get to be part of the two week wait. Ironic. I still feel pretty oaky. I think I am a bit more emotional than I'd like to be, but I an not sure if any of that is the medicine, or if I am just hyper aware of my current state. I'm inclined to think it is the latter.

I don't have a headache. I guess it is all good.

100 mg

2007-12-06T15:25:00.000-05:00

I still feel pretty normal on 100mg of the Clomid. Last dose is tonight, then I start OPK-ing on Sunday. Ultrasound on Monday. On Monday there should be something to see, and hopefully I'll be picking up my sperm next week.

It has been a long week, I look forward to tomorrow being Friday.

Three down, two to go

2007-12-05T15:08:00.001-05:00

Well, I have day 3 of Clomid down. Only tonight and tomorow night left. I think it is going well. I will have a scan and bloodwork done on Monday to see how my body responded. The nurse said to start OPK ing on Sunday. If my body responds, I expect to have a surge next Wednesday or Thurdsay and insemination would follow the day after, I think.

The doctor said I will take Ovidrel, a trigger shot next week. I'll find out on Monday when to take it. I don't know much about that.

A bit

2007-12-04T08:49:00.000-05:00

I feel a bit emotional, but frankly not any different than usual. I can be a huge crank in the morning and on the edge of tears one minute and laughing the next. That is just a day in the life of me. ( I am not bipolar, I am just VERY emotional. I came out of the womb that way.)

I have had a headache off and on since Monday morning. I used to be super prone to migraines befor acupuncture. I was even on a maintenance medicine for years. I went off all that stuff around May to prepare for pregnancy. I hadn't had a headache this annoying until Monday. 2 days of Clomid down, 3 to go! Right now I should be growing a thick lining and one or two really good follicles.

Come on body, you know what to do!

So far, so good

2007-12-03T08:09:00.000-05:00

I started Clomid last night. I feel pretty normal today. Day 4.

A.M. Wanding

2007-12-01T20:42:00.000-05:00

I got wanded first thing this Saturday morning. Nothing like having the dildo cam say good morning. No cycts and my bloodwork was normal. I start Clomid tomorrow night. I am excited. Maybe this will be it. It is baby time. I see the doctor on the 10th for a follow up sonogram and blood to see how my egg's are growing. I have had a number of (straight) women who used Clomid say how wonderful it was, and how the side effects were not bad for them. So, I am going to go into this whole thing with positive thoughts. I just need one really good egg. I've got young, fertile and mobile sperm. Let's go.

This whole process is teaching me all about patience and lack of control. These are probably good lessons for parenthood. When this cycle works, I'll find out the 26th-28th of December. It would be awesome to start the new year knocked up.

CD 1

2007-11-30T15:38:00.000-05:00

Here we go again. Cycle day 1, people. I had a 27 day cycle, my last few had been 26 days. That seems pretty regular. I get wanded tomorrow morning. We will see what happens. I hope to be able to start Clomid on Sunday.

Roller Coaster ride begin...
CHECK!

One thing

2007-11-23T07:34:00.000-05:00

Okay, here is a question. I have been reading a lot of ya'll's blogs and I don't see in any on them cycles where you can't inseminate like me. I have had more cycles where we wanted to inseminate but couldn't for medical reasons. Do you all just not know you have crappy eggs or no eggs? Do I just have more monitoring done at the beginning? The whole reason I started to get ultrasounds is that I felt like something was not right in my body.

Plugging away

2007-11-20T10:09:00.000-05:00

I am just working and plugging away. Trying to enjoy life until I wait for more TTC stuff to come up. I am looking forward to having a few days off of work. It will be nice to chill out for a few days. I have Thursday and Friday off. Looks like around Dec 1, might be day 3 monitoring, depending on my timing. So until then, nothing I can do but relax and live my life.

An acquaintance/website read of mine - http://smartypants.diaryland.com/ - has an adorable 4 year old who created her own word, chillax. And she uses it in a sentence like, "I am going to go in my room and chillax for awhile." So, that is what I am going to do, chillax for the next few weeks. :)

(That word makes me laugh every time I think about it. At one point when the adorable child was younger, she also created the word allbody. As in, “Can allbody get me out of my crib?” Adorable kid stories are what I search out when I am having a particularly hard time with TTC. )

Out before I even started

2007-11-15T09:05:00.000-05:00

The dildo cam showed NOTHING. She saw maybe one or two "teeny tiny" follicles. The kind you would get on day 3-5... The cyst was gone and my lining was nice and thick. No follicles. I can not make our baby without an egg. On the plus side, I am very comfortable using Clomid for my next cycle.

My temp started to go up and I had a dark OPK. My body thinks it ovulated.

Dissapointed doesn't even cover it. My acupuncturist says these things happen when the timing is right, I just hope that timing is soon. I don't know how much more dissapointment I can take. My heart hurts.

Thanks and 1 day to wait

2007-11-14T08:15:00.000-05:00

Thanks to all my commenters. I appreciate the support and everything.

My OPK was darker today, but not as dark as my test line. So, I will probably get wanded tomorrow to take a look at my overies. My temperature is also lower as it usually is before I get an LH surge. On my way into work today, my right ovary twinged a bit. If I have a good follicle I am pretty sure we will inseminate on Friday. That would be VERY exciting. My cycle has been textbook so far, so I am hopeful. The last couple cycles that we were going to try inseminating, my temps were all over the map and my body was not making any sense. This cycle I can feel things working properly. Things just feel right.

Maybe it is baby time!

Day 11

2007-11-13T12:23:00.000-05:00

Well, I peed on a OPK today, a slight line, but no surge. Which is good, as I have to be at work today and tomorrow first thing. Other days, I can be late and take PTO. I am running a training and no one could cover.

I am expecting to see a dark line on Thursday. That would mean an insemination on Friday when I see my pretty follicle. I know there is a possibility I might not have a good follicle, but right now I am going to believe that I am growing a huge normal sized follicle!! I really hope to inseminate this cycle.

Come on, baby. I am ready for you.

Day 7

2007-11-09T08:48:00.000-05:00

Well, today is cd 7. I feel like my body is working well this cycle. Everything seem to be on schedule. Hopefully, next Thursday I'll get a color change and then we can see my one big follicle and inseminate on Friday. That would work best for my schedule. :) I have acupuncture on Monday, so I am looking forward the the energy I get from that.

I got a flu shot on Tuesday and now I have sniffles and congestion. Rude... I rarely get sick, see I have the immune system of 5 really healthy people. The only problem with rarely being sick, is that when I am, I am pathetic. I feel like one night of super good sleep could kick this sniffle back where it came from. I am excited it is Friday. I am trying to enjoy our quiet weekends while I can, because I hope in 10 months we have a little wriggly infant disrupting my Saturday sleep in's.

I know I don't talk about My Love often, but that is because she is an extreamly private person and this whole blog is all about me and my feelings. Rest assured she is by my side being the most loving and supportive wife I could ever hope for.

Always waiting

2007-11-08T08:55:00.000-05:00

What is it about always waiting. Waiting to ovulate, waiting to inseminate, waiting to see if you are pregnant... It does not seem to end. It is quite a test in patience. I have never been the most patient person...

Maybe- still

2007-11-06T08:31:00.001-05:00

Well, my hormone levels were good for CD 3. My Estrogen was 40 (normal is 25-75, with lower being better) and my FSH was 8.7 (anything under 9 is good.) I think the normality of my levels surprised the nurse because the cyst often raises your estrogen. (From what I understand the cyst is a huge ball of unrealeased hormones.)

We are going to take a peak at my ovaries when I see a color change on the OPK to see if we can do a natural cycle. There is a chance I will have one good follicle. If not, I will know for sure the Clomid is the right choice. When I was talking to my love and telling her that I am going to use the power of positive thinking to grow one really good follicle, my right ovary twinged. I never feel ovulation or my ovaries. By the way the cyst is on my left ovary, so I will likely ovulate on the right this month. Maybe that is the universe telling me I can do it on my owm with no drugs. Right? SURE! Anything is possible.

My acupuncturist is a huge proponant of believing that your thoughts can help shape your reality. Again, anything is possible. I really want to inseminate this cycle. So, I am focusing on growing one really big healthy follicle that can become our baby.

Grow, baby, GROW!!

Frustrated

2007-11-05T11:13:00.000-05:00

I am frustrated. I had my appointment with the dildo cam to get this process going. Turns out I have a large cyst on my ovary. I won’t know officially until this afternoon, but it does not look good for Clomid this cycle, at all.

AAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is going to be very difficult to get pregnant, if I can’t inseminate. The nurse said my cyst was 44 (I think) millimeters, and when I asked if that was big, she said yes.

I know some of you have been trying longer than me, but I still just want to stamp my feet and yell WHY ME??!!! Why is my body doing this? I really was ready to try and get pregnant this cycle.

Tttttttttttthhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhpppppppppppppppppppttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

Here we go again

2007-11-04T08:03:00.000-05:00

I am on cycle day 2 people. I go in for day 3 monitoring Monday and start my Clomid Monday night. I had to fix my work schedule so I wouldn't be doing anything in the morning later next week. If I ovulate on days 12 or 13, I would inseminate on a weekeday. Looks like that should be my timing. Insemination later next week. I am still a bit scared to use Clomid, but I have accepted what I need to do. I am hopful for just one baby. Looks like it is back to the tank and getting my sperm.

There is always so much going on, I hope my body cooperates. I usually respons well to medicine, so I am hopful that 50mg of Clomid will be enough to develop one really good follicle.

I love early morning appoinments with the dildo cam. Looks like I will have to clear my schedule for next Monday's day 10 monitoring. According to fertility friend this is my 12 tracked cycle. No wonder I am tired of charting. For those of you keeping trak, we have only inseminated twice, and then also had my last cycle where we montored and found out we shouldn't be inseminating.

Someone in my department is pregnant again, due in April.. We have had someone pregnant in my department for the last 5 years, non stop. My department is 12 women, that is it. We have someone else going out with her baby in December. So, I figure I am next. :) If I get pregnant this cycle, I'll want to start telling people beginning of February, and she'll be back when I go out. I am still a bit bummed that I will not be 32 when our baby is born, but I am feeling okay that 33 is the right age for me to have this baby.

Expect more updates as I track my symptoms and blood reults.

skipping another month

2007-10-13T18:19:00.000-04:00

Well, we are skipping this month as well. Last week, My Love got very sick on a new medicine, and my car crapped out. So, with the stress and the expence, I did not feel at all in a place to try with Clomid for the first time. (I am already CD 6 so the next cycle is only about 20 days away.) Plus My Love was gone most of this week for work and I don't want to try Clomid alone. I am already crazy emotional and I need her for my strength and steadyness.

I ended up getting a brand new car, and we were going to get one in about 6 months anyways. The timline just got moved up because it cost more to fix my old car that it was worth.

I guess I was a bit naive in thinking that when we started the TTC journey we would do every month in a row. We have tried twice, but have been doing this since June and I have been temping since January. I hope I get to stop temping in another month. That would be awesome!The good thing with my crazy short cycles, we get to try more often than some. I am averaging a 24-26 day cycle. Looks like we might inseminate middle of November. Sounds good, I am ready to get pregnant.

Thoughts

2007-10-02T08:49:00.000-04:00

I am still processing everything. It looks like I will try Clomid and I am really trying to make peace with my fears of Clomid use. My cycle will probably start next week and then we continue the waiting and seeing what happens game. I don't love the waiting, but the time to process everything is very helpful.

Processing

2007-09-26T10:02:00.000-04:00

I see my acupuncturist today, YAY!!!! I had to miss last week’s scheduled appointment because My Love was very sick. So, I am super overdue for an appointment, and this has not exactly been a low stress week. If any of my 2 (?) readers are in Suburban MD, next to DC I highly recommend this whole wellness center.
http://www.stillpointmindandbody.com/

I am still trying to process everything. My Love is so very supportive, and I wish she could do something for me, but I don’t know what I need. I know I am going to a fertility doctor, but I didn’t think I would need “fertility” treatments. I went to bed late and then I woke up at 4:30am today and could not get back to sleep. I usually get up at 6:30am. I am tired.

Tiny follicle

2007-09-25T16:13:00.000-04:00

The verdict is in. I did surge and my tiny follicle is no good for baby makin’. The Dr highly recommends Clomid for the next cycle, starting at day 3. She want to do it days 3-7 instead of days 5-9 because I have short cycles and she wants to catch the follicle(s) in time for development. I asked if it could be a fluke, but she doesn’t think so. I am sad I will miss inseminating this cycle, but glad that we didn't just shoot $1000 up my hoo-ha with a small follicle.

More waiting

2007-09-25T09:42:00.000-04:00

I had more blood work done today (CD13) and a sonogram. My follical was at 15mm, but with the + OPK and the temp increase I think I had an LH surge. That is too small a follicle for a surge. So now I wait to see if the blood work shows a surge. I'm tired and scared. We only have two more tries bought and I am not sure if there is more sprem by the donor that we both love. (and who could be My Love's twin in both baby pictures and attitude) This sucks. I like this even less that the two week wait. I am in a crappy mood and I am afraid I will start crying at work.

Confused

2007-09-24T17:13:00.000-04:00

Apparently the Dr’s office did not get the VM I left on the nurse line (like I was instructed to leave). I called them at 3:40 as they close at 4pm. After talking to the receptionist, nurse, nurse then the doctor, I will be going in for more monitoring tomorrow. More blood drawn and another appointment with the dildo cam. I don’t know what to think. She said my day 10 estridol levels were 138, I don’t know what they are supposed to be. I should have asked, I just don’t know what to do. I am so confused. It seems like the harder we look at my body, the more things just are not what they should be. It looks like clomid is a real possibility.

What the heck!?!?!

2007-09-24T11:27:00.000-04:00

The ultrasound showed one follicle at 13mm, which is a measurement they would expect on CD 6 or 7, not CD 10. The blood work had levels that matched the egg. The DR thought I was a good 4 days from ovulating. I got a positive OPK this morning. I called and left a message and am waiting for the nurse to call me back. I don’t know what the hell is going on. We won’t inseminate this month because there is no way my egg could have developed in 2 days. I don’t know. I left a message over 3 hours ago. I have no idea what my body is doing and what this means. I wish the office would call me back.

More tests

2007-09-19T14:28:00.000-04:00

So Saturday, I am going to get a day 10 sonogram and a blood tests. We are going to see how my egg is developing and if I might need Clomid to make a mature egg. I hope not. The low progesteron is a concern and might be a red flag. I don't want to keep throwing sperm up my ho-ha if I don't have mature eggs. I am terrified to use Clomid. I am terrified of twins. We can't afford two babies. I am not sure how we are going to afford one, but everyone tells me you figure it out. We will not do IVF and we have a limit on how many time we will try, this is for both sanity and money reasons. My brain is tired.

Some one asked me about my hobbies. My hobby right now is trying to make a baby. I had no idea it would be such a time consuming hobby. I take time of work and it fills my thoughts and wekends. We buy supplies.

I play ice hockey with women, and I thought about taking this fall off while we try because it will save money, and I didn't want to commit to a team and then leave early on. I am still going to take time off, but I may sub when a team needs bodies if I am not pregnant. By summer when the next season pops up, I'll either be pregnant or we won't be trying anymore and I'll play.
My brain is really tired.

I'm back

2007-09-09T11:27:00.000-04:00

So, we will probably end up inseminating at the end of this month. I am not sure exactly when. We are goingt to do a double this time, one ICI and one IUI. Hopefully, we can recreate the first insemination where I thing I did get preganant and now I will be on the Prometrium to sustain a pregnancy.
Taking a month off was wierd, I feel like I have been gone from TTC for years.

Bad fat lady, stop your singing...

2007-08-20T15:29:00.000-04:00

Well, the fat lady sang and now she wants to get drunk. I am officially not pregnant.

It does not look like we will be able to try in September because we will be out of town cycle days 13-16, which is when I ovulate. Unless I ovulate late this month, we will not be able to try. (That would have given us a due date around my 33rd birthday, the end of June 2008.) Looks like I will not be 32 when I have our baby. I ovulated on day 15 this month, so if I ovulate on day 16 there is still a shot in hell. I had previously ovulated on days 13 or 14, so it doesn’t look good.
My cramps are kicking my ass this time around, which seems particularly rude… I am still tired from this morning's dose of useless prometrium. I just want to sleep.

Today is My Love and I’s two year wedding anniversary. The lab results were not a good present.

98% negative

2007-08-19T12:45:00.000-04:00

Well, I am 98% sure I am not pregnant this cycle. I peed on a stick yesterday and today. Today was cycle day 29. I am bleeding, which means it is actually cycle day 1. I didn't think you could bleed on the prometrium. I am bleeding, full flow, as they say. I called the RE office to see if I should keep taking it and if I should keep my blood test appointment for tomorrow. They said yes, until you have a blood test that is negative. They said you can start bleeding on prometrium, but the sound of her voice made me think it is rare... Apparently my body has said, I am done for this month.

Now I am even more sure that I did get pregnant our first cycle, and my low progesterone could not support the baby. Oh the 98% comes from the handout that comes with the First Response pregnancy test. This is hard. Harder than I thought it could be.

Not yet...

2007-08-17T14:38:00.000-04:00

I am hoping I peed on a stick too early. I tested on Thursday, which was only day 26, and 12 days past insemination. I bought a 3 pack of tests. I may try again tomorrow. I still have my blood test on Monday, and they don’t usually call with result until after 3pm…

There is some other stuff going on right now that has me distracted. My Love is having a bad neurological reaction to a medicine. So, I am kinda stressed out right now.

I am tired and I hope my weekend brings me good news and peace.

I have a ton of errands to do this weekend. There is very little food in the house and I need to vacuum our house desperately. Those are my jobs. We have a 6 year old cat, Willow who is mostly black and a 14 year old blond husky. The animal hair is crazy!

Waiting to test...

2007-08-13T10:26:00.000-04:00

8 days to the official blood test. I have bought a 3 pack of home pregnancy tests. I am not sure when I will pee on a stick. Monday the 20th is day 30, so before that. The prometrium makes me sleepy. I was dizzy the first day, but now it seem just lethargy is the only symptom. Oh, my back is odly sore, I feel like I have worked out. Not my lower back, my middle back. Really, I did a lot of sitting and napping this weekend.

This is a good week for distraction. We are going to two Washington Mystsics’ games, Tuesday and Thursday nights. My Love played basketball for most of her life until knee surgery and an injury have sidelined her for life. She loves watching the basketball.

This morning, I asked My Love if my boobs seemed bigger. She said the left one did. That is a bit weird. I hope it is not just the progesterone doing that. I am so tired, I am going to get myself a coke now. (I have been so good not drinking caffeine, and I love fancy coffee drinks.) I have been down to maybe 1-3 drinks a week. SLEEPY! Back to work.

4.2 is too low....

2007-08-10T15:38:00.000-04:00

So now I am a bit concerned. I just got a call from the RE, and my progesterone level is 4.2. They like to see it in the teens (10-20). Now I really wonder if I did get pregnant last cycle and my body could not support it. After this cycle, if we have to inseminate again, I am going to ask the doctor if we should check other hormone levels. For now, I will be picking up a prescription of prometrium after work. I hope it is enough to help things attached and stay attached. I still hope to be pregnant this cycle. It is early enough.

I have a pregnancy test scheduled with the doctor for the 20th.

Does progesterone affect the OTC pregnancy tests? I thought they measured something else, so I don’t think it should… Will I not get my period because of the progesterone? Looks like I’ll be e-mailing my doctor with some questions. I know that progesterone has to drop for you to get your period. I assume if I do get pregnant that they would keep me on progesterone. So, I guess I am going to have to wait… Ten days until that test….

I guess I kinda hoped that my progesteron level would be so high that they would run a pregnancy test on my blood and it would come up positive. There is time for that, in 10 days.

Peaceful

2007-08-09T11:26:00.000-04:00

I have my blood work tomorrow. I feel pretty goood about this time. I had an acupuncture treatment this morning. I feel so good after them. I have a sense of peace and purpose as these days slowly move toward testing.

Try # 2

2007-08-05T12:14:00.001-04:00

Okay, IUI #2 is inside me. The insemination went well. Because it is a Sunday, I had to go to the DC office of the fertility center, instead of where I usually go in Bethesda. My doctor was there to do it. It is very exciting.

This Friday I am going to get blood work to check to make sure my progesterone level stays up where it should be. I am excited and hopeful that this could be the one. The timing is good. This time the procedure was barely felt by me. (Last time there was a few minutes of crampy, weird, what the hell is that sensation.) That is after they swapped out the regular speculum for a littlier one. My Love enjoys inseminating me, though she is still a bit freaked out being that close to sperm.

Swim my little spermes, SWIM!

I am feeling pretty good. I hope the two week wait is a full two weeks this time!

Try 2?

2007-08-03T16:31:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I have not had much to say. I think I am going to inseminate this weekend. I am also going to get a blood test 7 days past O to make sure my progesterone level is okay. This is because of the last crazy short cycle. I have not had a positive OPK, yet, and it is 2 days later than my average. We will see tomorrow, hopefully, I'll get one.

I really think I may have gotten preganant last cycle for, like, 2 days. My cycle this month has been weird and things just seem a bit off. This if after 7 months of textbook cycles. I don't know...

Is it baby time? I hope so!

I don't know

2007-07-23T11:48:00.000-04:00

So, I find myself getting mad with My Love for no reason. My patience is short since AF came. I guess I really thought that is was pregnant. We have no reason to believe that it won't happen. I just really wanted to be pregant. It gives us more time to get our house in order, though. That is my bright side... We have a 57 year old house that keep us very busy.

Musing... right now just thoughtful and very dissapointed.

ttthhhhththththththpppptttt :(

2007-07-22T15:59:00.000-04:00

So, not only did AF come, she was 3 days early! I didn't even get a chance to pee on a stick. I am going to e-mail my doctor to see if I should be worried about a 25 day cycle when most of my others were 28 -32. Most were 28. It looks like my luteal phase was still 11 days. My temp dropped like a rock, so there really is no way I am pregnant.

I was not fully prepared for the dissapointment. It is very tiring. So, on to cycle day one...

Irony

2007-07-17T08:39:00.000-04:00

Okay. So, I am 7 days past ovulation according to fertility friend and our insemination timing was good. 7 more days to wait until I can test or see if AF arrives or my temp drops.

The weird thing is, my stomach has felt a little off since Saturday. I also felt a little nauseous this morning. It is a possible sign, but the net also says that particular sign doesn’t usually show up for another 3 weeks. And then maybe I am doing it to myself in my hope to be pregnant. I do feel a little weird and tired.

Before I came out at age 20, I dated men and tried to figure out why I never felt more than a friendship like connection with them. I managed to stay pretty far away from sperm because I could not picture myself having a baby and raising a child with any of those jokers. Now, I paid good money to put sperm inside myself in the hopes that it sticks. Ironic.

Waiting

2007-07-11T14:34:00.000-04:00

So, it is done. We did and ICI Monday night and an IUI Tuesday morning. The sperms are in there and now we wait. It was weird to be that close to sperm. We are very excited about the journey. I went to acupuncture this morning and she did some treatment on my uterus that should help. I love acupuncture. I recommend it to everyone.

Waiting to get knocked up...

2007-07-09T10:57:00.000-04:00

I don’t know if I should give background on myself. I am trying to remain anonymous for now… I am a 32 year old Maryland resident who has been with My Love for 4 and a half years. We had a wedding 2 years ago that the state does not recognize, but it was our wedding. We have been working on researching this baby process for over a year. I started charting in January, and started doing OPK’s a few months ago.

We are both planners and we are staring this journey very hopeful. I am waiting for the nurse to call me back to set up my official insemination tomorrow. We are doing IUI. I am picking up the sperm today. We are also going to try to do an ICI at home later, just for a couple of cycles. A lot of people ask me how we decided on who was to have the baby, it was easy for us as My Love can not have children. A few weeks ago she had a hysterectomy, and believe me, the irony of the timing is not lost on us at all.

I want to be pregnant!!!

Here we go

2007-07-04T15:45:00.000-04:00

So, I think we are all ready for insemination next week. It all depends on when I get a positive OPK. It looks like Wednesday might be the magic day. The sperm is ready for me in storage. I am so excited to start this whole process.

Let's give this a try

2007-07-03T16:11:00.000-04:00

As I start this whole baby making process with the love of my life, I thought it might be nice to have a place to put my thoughts. We will see...